Christmas

I don't know who started it, but many years ago businesses started putting up banners that said Merry Xmas instead of Merry Christmas. Many thought the businesses were trying to X out Christ. I have recently come to believe they were trying to save money. One letter is cheaper than six. In the Greek X is the symbol for Christ. So if you spell it out or use the X, Christ remains in Christmas. Merry Christmas!!!

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It's Wonderful

Note to all bad weather announcers. When standing in front of scenes of forty car pile up due to ice and thick blinding snow, don't be so cheerful. Yes, I know sunshine is boring, but a ice storm not the time for a party on dude attitude. Just saying.

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Paid Leave

Forget about paid maternity leave. I want paid bad weather leave. Can we get started on that right away? Please!

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Seven

Seven. That's all we have. Seven little notes. Do. Re. Mi. Fa. So. La. Ti. Yet with these few notes we have been able to create tons and tons of songs. And despite the great number of songs we have they are basically different. There is no mistaking the melodies of 1890 with the tunes of 2016. We can tell country from rock, pop from jazz, opera from the blues, rap from southern gospel. Every decade has its own sound. Each country its own style. It's never ending. Even now there are people creating new songs. New styles. New sounds. It's something to look forward to.

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Great Idea

I recently heard a woman talked about fighting with her kids because they wanted soda or t. v. on a school night. Then one day she had an idea. She made coupons. She gave her kids twelve coupons that let stay up an extra hour. There were coupons for sodas and coupons for an hour of television on a school night. She gave them as stocking stuffers. The kids loved it. They felt they had some control of their lives and they learned to budget. There was peace in the home. It might be worth a try.

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Give Thanks

I know on Thanksgiving we give thanks for family, friends, and well being. I am grateful for all of these, but this year I am giving thanks for bugs. Yes bugs. I'm not fond of spiders, but without them we would be overwhelmed with bugs. And if it weren't for bees our flowers wouldn't be pollinated. Ladybugs, butterflies, and dragonflies are pretty and add flavor to life. So thank God for bugs. What would we do without them?

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Violence!!!

I heard someone mocking people who don't like foul language in movies. They said something like, they don't want the bad language, but will watch the violence. At first I thought it was hard to defend, but finally it came to me. The violence is fake. The language is real. As is the nudity. You know, a lot of people don't like a lot of things in a lot of movies. Why can't I not like bad language or nudity. We all have opinions. You keep yours. I'll keep mine.
P.S. May I recommend a good movie with no bad language or nudity. If you want a laugh watch, Mom's Night Out.

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Elections

When Jimmy Carter was running for president someone thought it would be a good idea to make him look like one of the people. They decided to have him carry his own garment bag off the plane. The thing is there were no suits in the bag. It was completely empty. I'm thinking, "What? They couldn't put one suit in the bag? How hard would that be?" Perhaps when deciding who we are going to put into office we should look beyond the picture presented. Maybe we should look at the person behind the curtain.

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H. H.

Have you ever felt like you have done something stupid and you don't know what? Scary isn't it? Happy Halloween!!!

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I Heard Something

I heard something today that I thought was good. "Climb out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."

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Chains R Us

Have you seen a movie or television episode where someone, usually alone in a forest, is badly hurt and they wake up in a lone cabin or some type of bunker and they find they are chained like a convict. I never thought about it before, but where do these kidnappers get these prison chains? Is there store where you can buy them? Wouldn't someone wonder why an average civilian would want convict chains? Maybe the kidnapper made them himself in case he comes across an injured stranger he may want to keep under lock and key. He must have been a Boy Scout, always prepared.

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Habits!

Breaking a habit is almost impossible to do. I know. I have a habit I was basically unaware of. It's checking the mail. I mean the snail mail. I'm still depended on it. It's hard for me to write this. I check the mail everyday except Sundays because mail doesn't come on that day. It doesn't come on holidays, but I'm still drawn to the mailbox. I feel the urge now to check for mail and it is getting hard to resist and I may not even finish this blog because the urge is so strong. Wait a minute. It's gone or faded. I think I can survive this. I think I get through this. Yeah. I'm better now. Thank you for hearing me out. Are you still there? Hello! Maybe I made too much of this. Sorry.

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Impact

I recently heard a public service announcement that featured a walker talking to drivers. It is an effort to make people be better drivers. She says something like, "I will watch out for you and you watch for me. When you see me stop. If we work together, imagine the impact we will have. Hum. I thought the idea was to avoid an impact.

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Life Lesson

You can learn a lot from television. In fact you could write a book. From The Michael J. Fox show I learned how to issue an apology. You were right. I was wrong. I'm sorry. It's simple and straightforward. No justifying. No grudge. Just peace. And the look on the other person's face is priceless.

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Summer

I must sadly acknowledge the passing of summer. It was with us for such a short time. We barely had time to know it. I can still hear the sweet song of the morning birds. Still see the rosy pink sunset as day came to an end. I am certain we all will shed a tear for this dear season, but there is no need to cry for long. Summer will return again in a year or two and our hearts will beat again. Am I being too dramatic?

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Oh Thank Goodness

I didn't think I'd make my deadline, but I did. Ha Ha Ha! Okay let's get serious. When you make an agreement, keep it the best way you can. That's it. No more for tonight.

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2000+

I stand in the shadow of all those who've blogged before me. The greats. The pioneers. You know their names. Somebody does. Seriously, I am grateful to all of you who have helped me reach this number. Thank you!

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SPICE!

It is called spice, mojo, scooby snax, black mamba or merely fake marijuana. Kids think it is safe and legal, but it is not. And it is not natural. Although it may look like herbal tobacco or natural marijuana, it made of chemicals. It is dangerous. Its adverse effects can include hypertension, psychotic episodes, heart attacks and death. For more information check the spice addiction support sight or the Wikipedia article under Syntheic Cannabinoids. One more thing. It is never a good idea to  take an unknown drug or herb from anyone even a friend. Stay safe people.

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Good News

I'm sure you've heard that all the bees are disappearing. Well there is good news. According to what I heard on The Lars Larson Show, there are more hives now than there were twenty years ago. Like much of the dire news we hear, the problem with bees has been greatly exaggerated. So cheer up. Our flowers will be pollinated. The sun will shine and there will be other things to worry about.

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Don't Do It!

Don't do something that can't be undone unless you really, really want to. If you really, really want to it can wait until tomorrow. Don't do something that will be with you the rest of your life without thinking it over. Once you give something away, you can't get it back.

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Diet

From my Facebook post of a few years ago: I just read you can lose weight by eating lots...wait a minute... By eating lots of little meals. I didn't know they made little meals.

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Something To Say

I have to think of something to say, I told myself. Something interesting and perhaps provocative. I have to think hard. Should I talk about social justice. Naw, that's been done. How to turn the world up side down. The world's a globe. It turns up side down every twenty-four hours. How to make your life better. Read a good book. Spend time with family and friends. Have a laugh. Hit a baseball. Look at a lovely painting. Learn a few words of another language. Find pieces of joy no matter how bad things are. Ice cream is always good no matter the weather. Hot chocolate is always good late at night, but only in winter. Old movies are the best. Critics don't know everything. Tah tah for now.

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Television

When I was a kid there were only three channels, four if you count PBS. There was CBS, NBC, and ABC. We didn't get CBS so we only had two channels, three if you count PBS. At midnight, after playing the Star Spangled Banner, the networks went off the air and didn't return until morning. There was nothing to watch so you went to bed. You watched your t. v. shows when they were scheduled and if you missed an episode you had to hope that one would appear in the reruns. Then came cable and we had more choices, but still you had to watch when they wanted you to. Now we have DVR, DVDs, Hulu, Netflix, You Tube, On Demand and we hold the power to watch when we want. All I can think is, there isn't enough time. We can watch whole seasons of past shows and binge whole seasons of new shows.  Add to that movies and specials and there are the best of and worst of list and cat videos and your friends with their own You Tube channel. Let me take a breathe. I am not going to criticize anyone for watching so much since I do it myself. I want to take time to, as the saying goes, smell the roses. Thank God iPads are portable.

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Jerry

Jerry Doyle died Wednesday the 27th just eleven days after he turned sixty. He was one of the cast members of T V show Babylon 5. He ran for congress, was a stockbroker and a pilot. For the last ten or twelve years he was a radio talk show host. From what I've heard he was a fun guy and a great friend. He was always one for a laugh. He was an open person. He was real and passionate.When you listen to someone like that almost everyday they become a part of your life. He will be missed. Rest in peace, Jerry.

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Shhh!

The other day I was standing near a park bench. In front of it was a cigarette urn and it was locked. I couldn't help thinking, who would want to steal used cigarettes? Who would care? Then I thought about some poor schmoe so desperate for smokes he is willing to dig through other people's dirty butts to find one. Then I thought someone should have a little mercy. A little compassion. Let the guy have all leftover butts he wants. Then I realized this isn't about cigarettes. It's about something secret. Something classified. Maybe there are someone's emails in there. Don't laugh. I've heard crazier.

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Appearance

The office manager called an employee into his office. "I'm afraid I have to speak to you about your appearance."
The employee asked, "Is it my tattoos? Cause, I can cover them up."
"No, it's not the tattoos."
"It's my piercings. I can take some of them out."
"It's not the piercings."
"It's my mohawk. You don't like the blood red color."
"It's not your tattoos, piercings, or your hair. It's your boa."
"My boa?"
"Your boa constrictor."
"Marvin?"
"You can't wear him to the office anymore. It makes people nervous."
"I can't leave Marvin home. He'll get lonely."
"Buy him a companion."
"It'll get eaten." The employee jumped up. "I'm going to sue."
"No. No. Don't do that. I've got a solution. If Marvin was a service animal, we'd have to let you bring him to the office."
"He does keep me calm."
"Ok then. Everything's settled."
"Ok. I'll get back to work."
"One more thing. Could you trim that Mohawk? You wouldn't want to poke someone's eye out. You could get sued."

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Power

If I were a dictator and wanted to keep power, I would build hospitals and schools. I would give people money and free stuff. That way the people wouldn't want to rebel. That's how we do it in America.

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Funny

The Mary Tyler Moore show had an episode where she was moving. The landlord was showing her the apartment. He told her he took a nap between 2 and 3. He didn't want to be waken unless it was an emergency. Mary asked,  "What do you consider an emergency?" "Do you remember Pearl Harbor?" he said. Mary replied that she did. "That came close."

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Argument Ender

How's this for an argument ender? Let's say your son, Sam, wants to go to a party and you won't let him. He says "You let Johnny go to a party".  You could say that Johnny went to a supervised kiddie party that had cake and ice cream. Fifteen year old Sam wants to go to a frat party that will have kegs of beer and pots of marijuana. You know Sam will keep coming up with more arguments to change your mind before handing you the world's worst parent award and leave you with a headache. So, the next time Sam does this you can say, "How does that change what I just said." It will end the argument, save you from a headache and you get your award much sooner. At least it's worth a try.

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Villains That Never Die

There are villains that never get their just reward for all their evil deeds. I'm talking about t. v. villians that last for the run of the show. Sometimes they appear to die, but suddenly they're back. Sometimes the heroes have a great plan to bring to end the villian's plots forever. It fails. Sometimes the heroes have evidence that will put the villain behind bars for the rest of his life. He finds a way out. Although the heroes can stop his plans, one at a time, this villian will always be there to trouble our heroes. I think some politicians are t. v. villians in real life. Good day.

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Independent

A friend of mine once told someone she owed them an apology. When they asked why she said it was none of their business. She was born on the Fouth Of July which is appropriate. She was an independent woman. She played by her rules. That's America. We play by our rules. We can go it on our own, if we have to. We don't need anyone's permission to be great. Happy Indepence Day!

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Honeypot

Sometime ago I watched a movie called "Honeypot."  In it Rex Harrison played a wealthy man who was about to die. He asked his ex-wife to return the hour glass filled with gold dust she got in her settlement. She asked why. He said he was going to fill bons bons with the gold dust and eat them. That way, when he died, he could take it with him. Sadly, the ex-wife had already sold the gold dust. I was thinking the old saying, you can't take it with you, is too true. Even if he were able to eat gold dust filled bons bons they would have passed through him before he passed on. Rest in peace.

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Honeypot

Sometime ago I watched a movie called "Honeypot."  In it Rex Harrison played a wealthy man who was about to die. He asked his ex-wife to return the hour glass filled with gold dust she got in her settlement. She asked why. He said he was going to fill bons bons with the gold dust and eat them. That way, when he died, he could take it with him. Sadly, the ex-wife had already sold the gold dust. I was thinking the old saying, you can't take it with you, is too true. Even if he were able to eat gold dust filled bons bons they would have passed through him before he passed pon. Rest in peace.

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Life Is Hard

I was going to say, life is hard, move on. I changed my mind. Now I am going to say, life is hard. Go ahead and cry. Then laugh. Then sing.Then keep moving even if it is at a crawl. That is what you do for yourself. For others, you sympathize and cry with them. Then laugh and sing and help them keep moving even if it is at a crawl.Sometimes you are strong for yourself. Sometimes you are strong for others. Sometimes others are strong for you.

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Book

You may not know this, but I have written a book. It is titled, The Weeping Maid. It is a regency romance. It is now on Amazon. My dream has finally been realized. This is thanks to my dear friend. I wrote the book, but she did all the other work. I could never had done this without her help. I'm sure she thinks I should advertise my book better than I have. So, if you love sweet regency romance you will want to read my book. It is only in downloadable form, but it is well worth the read. Do I brag too much? I think I may appear unemotional about this, but I assure you, in my head I am jumping for joy. To my friend, a big giant hug and enormous never ending thank you. 

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Happy Birthday!!!!

To all the angels that contributed to my birthday. It was a wonderful from beginning to end. I can't say how much you have blessed me. Thank you so much. You made my year. Big kiss.

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DON'T READ THE HEADLINES!!!

You may have heard that there is a women that antibiotics didn't work on. Now we have to worry about superbugs because antibiotics don't work anymore. I didn't read the article myself, but I was listening to a doctor who had. He said that you had to read down to the second paragraph to learn that it was only one antibiotic that didn't work. The other antibiotics did. My point is, headlines can be and often are miss-leading. Sometimes you have to read down to the twenty-forth paragraph to find the truth. So the next time you read a scary headline, don't panic. Even if something is truly scary, panic don't help and it's a waste of time. Although it might burn calories so go ahead and run a little. That can't hurt.

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Some Years Ago

A favorite phase of mine when referring to the past is, "Back in the day." When you say that it makes you sound like a bit of rebel. Like someone who's been in a bar fight or skipped school. It makes you sound cool without having actually done anything. People think, "Wow. I wish I knew you then." Of course, if they knew you then they might think, "What a bore." It seems that it's better to have someone think you are cool than to open your mouth and prove them wrong. At least that is what they said, back in the day.

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Where Did It Go?

Sometime in the past few years, if my memory isn't faulty, we lost 7 billion dollars in cash in Iraq. How can that happen? I lost a quarter once and found it. A ton of cash. Misplaced. No one can answer the question, what happen to our money? I know in some countries if you want to get things done you have to grease the wheels, but if you bribe someone, write it down. Call it maintenance, if you want. At least we will know where the money went. Gee-wiz, how hard can it be? 

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Nothing Much

I sometimes have nothing to say. This is one of those days. I can't think of anything or rather I can think of stuff, but it has no point or it has a point I can't find. Sometimes it all right not to be on target. Sometimes it all right to let things slide as long as you don't let things slide into the dump. I need a breather and I'm taking it. I hope you enjoy what little I had to say and take a breather for yourself . Good day.

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Don't Interrupt Me

You probably said it yourself. I'm sure I have. We have all heard it. Someone interrupts a speaker and says, "I don't mean to interrupt you." Yes you did. You meant to interrupt. You did it on purpose. If you had sneezed, coughed, or screamed than it would be proper to say, "I didn't mean to interrupt,"  When you stop someone in mid-sentence because you had a thought that might run away if you don't use it right away and say I didn't mean to interrupt,what you really mean is, I don't mean to be rude. Now that I've straightened this out, I'll let you get back to your day. I didn't mean to interrupt.

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What's Forever For?

She loved him. He loved her. They were married in 1947 and stayed married until her death in
2016. In her last year of life she still said, "He's a Keeper." and "You can't have him." He still missed her after she died and said, "We were supposed to go together." They had grown old together and their love had stayed young. Yes, love can last forever.

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Tippecanoe

The first weekend in June of every presidential election year The Tippecanoe Party goes to a mountain resort to pick a nominee to run for the office of President. All members have to put their name in or leave the party. There are five hundred and seven members. In the first round all the members put an egg in their pocket and run up a mountain. The first one hundred and forty that make it back with egg unbroken go to the next round. Then there is a tug-of-wag contest. This weans the number down to twenty . They are handed a beer stein filled with lemonade and then proceed to musical chairs. The last one grabbing a seat without spilling lemonade is the nominee. All of this makes a great deal more sense than the way some of the other parties chose a nominee. God bless America.

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Consistent

Who said, The most consistent thing about human beings is their inconsistency? I think it might have been me, but I'm not certain. I don't want to take credit for someone else's brilliance, but I don't want to lose credit for mine. Let just say, I am clever enough to understand the truth of that sentence. Thank you.

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It's For The Bird

There is a bird that is black with red tip wings. In order to win a mate, the male has to do a mid-air ballet. He has to teach this ballet to an apprentice. He and the apprentice have to perform this ballet perfectly or the female will reject him. If birds are be this particular shouldn't humans be a little more choosey when allowing someone into their life, heart and home? 

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Yepee!!!!!!

I did it! I won the 3 trillion dollar lottery! I didn't even have to buy a ticket! The government will take half, but I can live with that. I'm so excited. I'm going to buy a new pair of shoes, maybe a new coat, Disneyland and a big box of chocolate truffles. Oh, and I'm moving to London. Cheerio.

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Really?

I watch a reality show called America's Worst Cooks. These are people who burn water. Chef Ann and her cohort take 16 people in teams of two show them something to cook and set them lose on the kitchen while the two chefs watch from above. The recruits run around like crazy trying to recreate what they were taught. One day, one recruit didn't realize that her frying pan was overheating as she scrambled for ingredients. Chef Ann shouts for her attention and fails to get it. Finally she shouts, "Your pan is hot and smoking what do you do?" The answer that popped into my head, "I don't know, take it out to dinner."

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Better Than

Some people think it is better to have a dog than a child. A dog will wear anything you want them to without putting up a fuss. They will eat anything you put in front of them. They are always willing to show affection. They forgive you everything. They are never embarrassed to be seen with you. They will never run off to marry an out of work actor and they will always be home for the holidays. The bad side. Dogs won't take care of you in your old age. With children you have a fifty-fifty chance.

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Beautiful

Peacocks are some of the most beautiful creatures on the earth. They have been used to decorate lawns and courtyards for centuries. When their tails are fully fanned it is an awesome sight. Then they leave their product all over your front porch and the trill is gone.

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What?

My nephew was learning to talk when he was doing animal impressions for me. He barked and said dog. Than he meowed and said cat. Than he made a noise and said feint. I didn't know what he was doing. Again he said feint and I was a complete blank. He gave me a look that said, How can you be so stupid, than said clearly, "Elephant!"

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B K

A long time ago, Burger King started offering sausage, egg and cheese burritos. I thought it sounded good so I ordered one. It came with sauce. I didn't like the sauce so I started ordering the burrito without the sauce. Then one day I was told it didn't come with sauce. Praise be! Wait. I rejoiced too soon. Now the burrito came with onions and green peppers. I don't like onions or green peppers. So I started ordering the burritos without onions or peppers. Then I was told, the burritos no longer came with onions or peppers. Oh, I was happy.  I was told hash browns came with the burrito and I thought I don't mind a side of hash browns. The hash browns were stuffed into the burritos. I don't want hash browns in my burritos. What I want is a plain sausage, egg and cheese burrito. I don't want sauce, onions, peppers or a pink umbrella. I want my burrito simple and uncomplicated. And that is the way I want my life. Simple and uncomplicated. Is that too much to ask?

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Happy Valentine's Day

From Aunt Bea and The Andy Griffin Show: There are only two kinds of conversation needed for a good for a marriage: coffee talk and pillow talk. They should both be warm and sweet.

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A Man

A man went to the Super bowl. When he found his seat he noticed an empty seat next to an older man. He asked the man why there was an empty seat. "My wife and I had tickets, but she died before she could use hers."
 "I'm sorry. Wasn't there a friend who could have come with you?"
 "I called everyone,", the man said. "They were all busy."
 "What? Not one friend could come with you? What were they doing?"
 "They were going to the funeral," the man said.

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Eewh!!!

A mother walks into her kitchen and sees her five children quietly playing on the floor. When she gets closer she sees they are playing with the five of the cutest baby skunks ever seen. Knowing that skunks can stink up the place and her children she panics and screams, "Run! Run!" The kids all pick up a skunk and run in five different directions. The mother screams again. The kids squeezed their skunks in fear and skunks don't like to be squeezed. You know what happened. Let's just say, that house was no longer a pleasant place to live in.

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Husbands

I heard a story today about an eighty year old woman who had married her forth husband. A reporter was interviewing her and asked what her husband did. She said he owned a funeral home. Still curious the reporter asked what her other husbands did. She said her first husband was a banker and the next was a circus manager and the one after that was a minister. The reporter was amazed at the variety of their careers. He asked why she had married them. "Well," she said, "One was for the money ,two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."

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MLK

 How can a speech given more than five decades ago still move people to tears. Some words live forever and people who never heard the original speech know it and can quote from it and their hearts can be stirred by it years after the speechmaker has been buried. "I have a dream." Martin Luther King said. "That one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of it's creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal...that sons of former of salves and the sons of former salve owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood...the heat of oppression will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice...they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character...little black boys and little black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and little white girls as sister and brothers...Let freedom ring...Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty we are free at last.
 We have come a long way toward that dream. Let's not let anyone try to crush it. Let the dream live on.

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Vaca?

I tell everyone my brain has gone on vacation, but really, I think I've been deserted.

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Welcome, Welcome

The parties are done.
The gathering of friends and families are completed.
The holidays are over.
I say with relief and regret,
welcome back to normal life.

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New Year

I often thought why do we start a new year in the middle of winter. It makes more sense to start the new year around the beginning of spring. Spring is a new start. There are births and new growth from old growth. Everything seems fresh and new. Then I found out. We used to start the new year in the spring. Someone at sometime decided they wanted the new year to begin in January. It seems stupid to me and it seemed stupid to a lot of people. A lot of people kept celebrating the new year in the spring. This was not liked. Someone wanted to put a stop to this. So someone came up with a plan. They started calling the spring celebrators, April fools. That's right. The new year used to start on April 1st. Happy New Year!!!!

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