Christmas 2017

In December we celebrate the birth of a new Hope. In January we celebrate putting aside the old and beginning  the new. In February we celebrate Love. In April we celebrate the Resurrated Hope. In July we celebrate Freedom. In November we give Thanks for all our Blessings. Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas!

At 12:01 am, December 1st it became legal to sing Christmas songs again, according to my law. You can decorate your home, send cards and be jolly. Christmas last from the 1st of December through a little part January. So enjoy it until the very last second. Happy holidays. Feliz Navidad. Merry Christmas.

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Common Sense

If a guy comes banging on your door in the middle of the night, don't let him in unless you want sex. If some guy invites you to his place to discuss business or he wants to come to your place to discuss business, don't to it unless you want sex. Some guys take these gestures as a yes and they will never hear no. This is not the time to be polite. Also pepper spray might not be a bad idea.

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War?

  I see these bumpers stickers that say, "Give peace a chance" and "Make love not war." I saw one that said, "Make tea not war." Who are these bumper stickers for? The huge majority of people who read them don't want war. Even the bad guys don't want war. They want to take your land, your rights and your way of life. Give it to them and you'll have peace. What kind of peace is that? At any moment, the troops can swoop down and grab your processions, your family, or you. Possible all three.
  War is always horrible. Sometimes it's necessary. To free the oppressed. To keep your freedom. There's that old saying, "Freedom isn't free." Oppression isn't free either. Everything cost something.
I guess what it comes down to is this, what are you willing to live with?

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Good Answer

  I was in the store the other day and I saw this boy, about five years old, get excited because he saw something nifty. It was a large Halloween skull. He picked it up and took it to his mom. She didn't say no. She said, in a calm voice, "That's really cool. We're not buying it today." The boy didn't put up a fuss. He didn't even look unhappy. He just put the skull back on the shelf as his mother said, "But it's really cool."
  I was amazed. No temper tamper. No crying. No stamping feet. He just put it back.
  I began to wonder, could this work with other kids. Let's say your fifteen year old daughter brings home a shaggy boy she likes. You could say, "He's really cool. We're not dating him today." What if your thirteen old son wanted to do a back flip off the roof into the pool. You could say, "That's really cool. We're not busting our head open today." Yeah, I think that would work.
 

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Republished?

I may have already published this, but I like it and I'm sick and you have to put up with a rerun. Or not. It's up to you.
I learned about a country that makes coffins in different shapes, like cameras and pianos. I want a coffin shaped like a novelty talking box. When people walk on my grave they will hear a knocking and a voice say, "Help! I'm trapped in here! Let me out!" I'll get a good laugh out of that.

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Work!!!

Sometimes when I go to my place of employment, I decide not to start working right away. Sometimes I wait thirty or sixty minutes before I start. I find something to occupy my time. Alright, it's work I would be doing if I was working, but I'm not working. It feels good. It's like taking a long lunch break with no food. I might try a whole day of not working. Maybe a week or a month. Maybe a whole year. I might take the rest of my working life not working with pay. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Don't tell my boss.

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Fake News

Fake news, or what was called propaganda, is not new. The French were told that when she heard the peasants had no bread to eat Marie Antoinette heartlessly said, "Let them eat cake." She did not say it. Another lady at another time did, but Marie still lost her head. We have had propaganda from the very beginning. It started when the serpent told Eve she could safely eat the apple. There is a line from an old song, be careful little ears what you hear. That is good advice.

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It Sounds Better

My niece and I were trying to describe an older person. We were trying to find a nice way to say it. We didn't want to say old, elderly or senior citizen. Finally I came up with less young.

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Blood drive

Be a hero. There is always someone who needs your blood. You could save up to three lives. You get free cookies. Sometimes your favorite. Isn't that nice.

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Kitchen

I have a kitchen strip. It's not a real kitchen. It's kitchen décor. It's like a functional painting of a kitchen. There's no warmth about it. It's just a place to fix something to eat. It could be worst. I could just have a hot plate. Wouldn't that be fun?

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Don't Do It!!!

I've heard about women my age going through a procedure so they can have children again. I'm saying, what are you thinking? You have to chase those things.

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I Have Questions

Can it be done? Can trash be broken down to its molecular level? Would it be costly? Would Bill Gates pay for it? Could we use these molecules for energy? Is this a completely crazy idea? Can anyone answer my questions?

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Tumbler

I saw it on the internet. A tumbling spider. It lives in the Middle East. It has these long legs that just flop over and over. I thought it was just having fun, but I realized that tumbling is part of its strategy. When most people see a creepy crawling spider, they want to squash it or run away. If you see a spider somersaulting toward you, you think, oh how interesting. Then it flops on you and you are done. Taken in by a little spider.
Have a nice day.

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Another Mystery

We have all wondered why do dogs drink from toilets. The answer is simple. Your toilet bowl is made of porcelain. Porcelain is the coolest material in your home. The answer may be to get a porcelain water dish for your dog. Get one for yourself. That might be kind of neat.

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Freedom!!!

Today we celebrate our country's freedom. Freedom is not easy to win, but is easy to lose. We let it slip away a little at a time until it becomes normal and expected. It is said it is for our own good. We shake our heads yes and give up more rights. Now I wonder if we remember what true freedom is. We are in charge of our lives. No one has the right to tell us how to live unless we give them permission to do so. Let us hold tight to our freedom like the dear treasure it is. Happy fourth!

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Warm Laughter

I love to hear my mom laugh. She is in a lot of pain which should make her grumpy. A normal person would be, but she laughs and jokes. Don't get me wrong. She has her moments when the world is not bright, but she still laughs. It is a lesson. Just because the world is dark place doesn't mean you can't be a ball of sunshine.

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Father's Day

I think sometimes fathers aren't appreciated like they should be. We take for granted that they rise up to go to work to provide for the family. We take it for granted because that is the way it has been since before we were born. We don't realize that they would rather be fishing or golfing or skydiving.  We don't realize how much they worry about losing their job and letting the family down. We don't understand that they sometimes don't feel up to doing the task. We take this one day to thank our fathers for being the good men they are. I think they deserve more. Thank You, Dad.

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FIRE!!!

An old saying is, where there's smoke, there's fire. It's not true anymore. Someone invented the smoke machine. Now the saying should be, where there's smoke, there's a whole lot of nothing. Turn on a fan. Blow away the smoke. See what the truth is.

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BOOM!

Pet expert, Warren Eckstein, says to get your pet used to the loud fireworks get a recording of thunder. Start out playing it on low. Overtime raise the volume. His website, warreneckstein.com.

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Memoral Day

Today is the day we honor all our fallen heroes. Those who are willing to take our place and defend our country. There is no thanks big enough. There will never be, but we will try. I remember a documentary that had in it POW's from WWII just after they had been liberated. They had been starved.They were, literally, skin and bones. I thought, here are people who would never want to fight another war. I was wrong. They said they would do again for their country. Let's never forget those who were willing to lay down their lives for us.

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Coo Coo

Last year I took my break at the outside table. When I sat down I heard a coo. Not a soft coo, but a hard coo. Like the pigeon was saying, get off my cloud!!! Every day when I took my break, he was there, giving me the evil eye. I wouldn't budge. I had a right to be there and there I would be. When the weather turned cold I took my break inside. This year when the weather warmed up again I went back out and he was there. The fight was on. So be it. I will not be moved. I would win this.The next day I was ready to stand my ground, but he didn't coo. He wasn't alone. He had a girlfriend. He was sharing his space. Hostilities had ceased. Armistice had been declared. Peace was at hand. I'm going miss our little tussle, but I am always glad when someone finds love. It makes the world a better place. Bye.

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It Was A Mystery

You've heard these questions. If a business is opened twenty-four hours, why do they have locks on their doors? Why is braille used on drive up ATMs? Thanks to Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, which I read in my living room, I found the answer. Number one, locks on doors. It is less expensive to make all doors with locks than to make some without. Same thing with braille. The blind use walk up ATMs. It's cheaper to make all ATMs with braille then to make a some without. Now that the mystery is solved you can sleep at night. You're welcome.

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Whose The Fairest?

Sometimes I'm shocked when I look into the mirror. I wonder, who is that woman? The reflection in the mirror doesn't match the image in my head. I look so much better in my imagination. Could someone invent a camera to take a picture of that image. I need it for Facebook.

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I'm not kidding.

I heard this on a radio talk show. There really are pet detectives. No, I don't mean a Doberman with a fedora. There are people who will, for a price, look for lost pets. One has found 150 such animals. Her name is Jaime Katz. That's right, Katz. I have to wonder if she changed her name to fit her profession or did she pick her profession to fit her name?

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SALE!!!!

My grandfather used to tell a story about people in this one store grabbing cans and cans of soup. He was laughing. You see, the soup was on sale(this was a ton of years ago.) ten cans for a dollar.  The people wanted the deal before it ended. Thing is, the soup was normally ten cents a can. Or ten cans for a dollar. The lesson, a sale is not always a deal. Just because a store is having a clearance sale, doesn't mean you can't get a better deal elsewhere. Happy shopping, people.

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Don Rickles

He was known as the King Of Insults. He was quick with the lip and made you laugh as he poked you. The Dean Martin Roast wasn't a roast without Don. He was fast with a comeback and you never had time to duck. However, there was one time, I know of, when he was the one that got poked. Don was doing his thing and said. "It takes many years to become a great comedian."  "It sure does." Dean Martin said. "And you haven't even reached that year yet." That broke Don up. Don's comedy wasn't always understood. One time he got a bad reaction from some in the audience. "There's no booing here." he responded. Don may have had a dangerous tongue in public, but he was a sweetheart in private. In fact his best friend's wife thought he was nice and had to be warn that he was completely different when doing his act. Don Rickles died recently. I have to say he will be missed and thank God for recordings. RIP, Don.

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April Fool

I told you last year I won a three trillion dollar lottery, bought Disneyland and moved to London. Well April Fools. I didn't move to London. Happy 1st!

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L. U. L.

First, I am fine. My blood pressure sky rocketed and it was suggested that I go to emergency. While I was waiting my beautiful sister and handsome brother-in-law came to wait with me. It was their anniversary. They had special plans, but they came anyway. I had arrived at about five p. m. and time was moving on and on. It was a busy night and I was a low priority. As it got later I keep thinking I should make them go, but I really didn't want to be alone. Anyway we got out of there before midnight and they had time to have their anniversary dinner. I want to say it was better with you.Thank you and love U lots.

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Beath It In

We all breath in oxygen and breath out CO2. Did you ever wonder how we can save someone's life by blowing CO2 into their mouths? It turns out that we have just enough oxygen in what we exhale that we be of help to someone who in dire need of a breath of fresh air. Isn't that simply miraculous?

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Saving Time

Remember last fall when we got an extra hour? We were happy to get it. Some used it to get an extra hour of sleep. Some used it to get an extra hour of play. Some planned to sleep, but played instead and went over the allotted hour. Well, that hour wasn't a gift. It was a loan. Now it's time to pay it back. We'll pay it back with lost of sleep and a sense of missing something. But, as the days get longer and the sun shines more, we will forget the pain of handing over one precious hour and we go out and play. Happy days!!!

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KFC

I heard it a long time ago and I heard it again recently. I heard someone say, Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC because the chicken they serve isn't chicken anymore. Come on! Do people really believe that KFC glued plastic meat to wooden drumsticks and called it chicken? I can understand the rumor if KFC served meat patties. Who knows what is in patties. The reason, I'm guessing, Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC is because the public was maneuvered into turning against fried stuff.  Fried was no longer finger licking good. Glad I got that off my chest. Here's to good eating.

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Who Goes First?

It used to be when a ship was sinking it was women and children first. Now that we are all equal, it's every man for himself. That kind of puts women and children last. Is this progress?

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President's Day

Happy president's day. We used to celebrate Washington's and Lincoln's birthdays separately, but now we crushed them all together and we get another three-day weekend. That's how you make someone feel special.

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Talk To Me

It used to be a fad to talk to plants. It seemed to make them grow better. It was like magic. Science backs this up. We exhale carbon dioxide. Plants take this in and give out oxygen. When we get up close and personal with plants we exhale all over them. It's like giving them vitamins. Some people want to get rid of carbon dioxide because it's bad for the environment. Maybe they should talk to the plants.

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What's It Called?

I was listening to a radio talk show. A guest from another country said he had once been on an American television show. No one recognized the title. He said it had Barbara Walters andI Whoopie Goldberg. Oh, The View, the host said. In this country, the guest said, it's called Loose Women.

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Do It Right

Isn't great when you need to accomplish something you know how to do it right? One, two, three. No fuss. No muss. Wouldn't it be better if you did it right before you did it all completely wrong?

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Lonely?

I heard someone say, "Even when I 'm the only one in the room, it's still one too many people."

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MLK

Let's not forget the dream. We have come a long way since the "I Have A Dream." Speech. It will continue to get better. Let's keep moving forward.

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I Resolve

It's a new year and time for the new year resolutions. Many people make them. Most break them. I heard a gentleman make some that would be very easy to keep. I would join in that effort, but I made a resolution a long time ago not to make any resolutions. I thought I would share his to inspire you. He resolved not to write a novel. He resolved not to climb Mt Everest. He resolved not to run a marathon. Good luck with the changes you resolve not to make. Happy New Year.

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New Year?

It is a new year. Again. Didn't we just get a new year? In fact we have been getting a new year for as long as I can remember. It is always the same. We get a new year, all shiny and bright. Champagne bottles pop. Fireworks explode. People kiss. We are all excited. Then, around April, the newness fades a little. As time moves on the year looks used. And after a while we are ready for a new one. I say, let us treat this year better than than the others. If we are careful, maybe this year will last a little longer than the last. Happy New Year!

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