Jerry

Jerry Doyle died Wednesday the 27th just eleven days after he turned sixty. He was one of the cast members of T V show Babylon 5. He ran for congress, was a stockbroker and a pilot. For the last ten or twelve years he was a radio talk show host. From what I've heard he was a fun guy and a great friend. He was always one for a laugh. He was an open person. He was real and passionate.When you listen to someone like that almost everyday they become a part of your life. He will be missed. Rest in peace, Jerry.

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Shhh!

The other day I was standing near a park bench. In front of it was a cigarette urn and it was locked. I couldn't help thinking, who would want to steal used cigarettes? Who would care? Then I thought about some poor schmoe so desperate for smokes he is willing to dig through other people's dirty butts to find one. Then I thought someone should have a little mercy. A little compassion. Let the guy have all leftover butts he wants. Then I realized this isn't about cigarettes. It's about something secret. Something classified. Maybe there are someone's emails in there. Don't laugh. I've heard crazier.

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Appearance

The office manager called an employee into his office. "I'm afraid I have to speak to you about your appearance."
The employee asked, "Is it my tattoos? Cause, I can cover them up."
"No, it's not the tattoos."
"It's my piercings. I can take some of them out."
"It's not the piercings."
"It's my mohawk. You don't like the blood red color."
"It's not your tattoos, piercings, or your hair. It's your boa."
"My boa?"
"Your boa constrictor."
"Marvin?"
"You can't wear him to the office anymore. It makes people nervous."
"I can't leave Marvin home. He'll get lonely."
"Buy him a companion."
"It'll get eaten." The employee jumped up. "I'm going to sue."
"No. No. Don't do that. I've got a solution. If Marvin was a service animal, we'd have to let you bring him to the office."
"He does keep me calm."
"Ok then. Everything's settled."
"Ok. I'll get back to work."
"One more thing. Could you trim that Mohawk? You wouldn't want to poke someone's eye out. You could get sued."

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Power

If I were a dictator and wanted to keep power, I would build hospitals and schools. I would give people money and free stuff. That way the people wouldn't want to rebel. That's how we do it in America.

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Funny

The Mary Tyler Moore show had an episode where she was moving. The landlord was showing her the apartment. He told her he took a nap between 2 and 3. He didn't want to be waken unless it was an emergency. Mary asked,  "What do you consider an emergency?" "Do you remember Pearl Harbor?" he said. Mary replied that she did. "That came close."

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Argument Ender

How's this for an argument ender? Let's say your son, Sam, wants to go to a party and you won't let him. He says "You let Johnny go to a party".  You could say that Johnny went to a supervised kiddie party that had cake and ice cream. Fifteen year old Sam wants to go to a frat party that will have kegs of beer and pots of marijuana. You know Sam will keep coming up with more arguments to change your mind before handing you the world's worst parent award and leave you with a headache. So, the next time Sam does this you can say, "How does that change what I just said." It will end the argument, save you from a headache and you get your award much sooner. At least it's worth a try.

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Villains That Never Die

There are villains that never get their just reward for all their evil deeds. I'm talking about t. v. villians that last for the run of the show. Sometimes they appear to die, but suddenly they're back. Sometimes the heroes have a great plan to bring to end the villian's plots forever. It fails. Sometimes the heroes have evidence that will put the villain behind bars for the rest of his life. He finds a way out. Although the heroes can stop his plans, one at a time, this villian will always be there to trouble our heroes. I think some politicians are t. v. villians in real life. Good day.

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Independent

A friend of mine once told someone she owed them an apology. When they asked why she said it was none of their business. She was born on the Fouth Of July which is appropriate. She was an independent woman. She played by her rules. That's America. We play by our rules. We can go it on our own, if we have to. We don't need anyone's permission to be great. Happy Indepence Day!

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Honeypot

Sometime ago I watched a movie called "Honeypot."  In it Rex Harrison played a wealthy man who was about to die. He asked his ex-wife to return the hour glass filled with gold dust she got in her settlement. She asked why. He said he was going to fill bons bons with the gold dust and eat them. That way, when he died, he could take it with him. Sadly, the ex-wife had already sold the gold dust. I was thinking the old saying, you can't take it with you, is too true. Even if he were able to eat gold dust filled bons bons they would have passed through him before he passed on. Rest in peace.

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Honeypot

Sometime ago I watched a movie called "Honeypot."  In it Rex Harrison played a wealthy man who was about to die. He asked his ex-wife to return the hour glass filled with gold dust she got in her settlement. She asked why. He said he was going to fill bons bons with the gold dust and eat them. That way, when he died, he could take it with him. Sadly, the ex-wife had already sold the gold dust. I was thinking the old saying, you can't take it with you, is too true. Even if he were able to eat gold dust filled bons bons they would have passed through him before he passed pon. Rest in peace.

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