Gentlemen

  I watched a couple of teenage boys cross the street. I noticed one of them had his underwear showing. I couldn't help wondering why. Why do they do this? Then I realized, males like getting a glimpse of a pretty girl's underwear. They think girls like the same thing. That's why some men feel free to put their hand on an attractive woman's knee. If they were to walk into an office and see a beautiful naked woman they would be thrilled. Guys women are not thrilled to see your naked sagging flesh. Women are appalled and want to laugh.
  If you want to make yourself attractive to women, even if you are not that attractive, learn to cook. Improve your mind. Be courteous. Be confident. Be a gentleman. And keep your pants on!

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Elections

When Jimmy Carter was running for president someone thought it would be a good idea to make him look like one of the people. They decided to have him carry his own garment bag off the plane. The thing is there were no suits in the bag. It was completely empty. I'm thinking, "What? They couldn't put one suit in the bag? How hard would that be?" Perhaps when deciding who we are going to put into office we should look beyond the picture presented. Maybe we should look at the person behind the curtain.

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Appearance

The office manager called an employee into his office. "I'm afraid I have to speak to you about your appearance."
The employee asked, "Is it my tattoos? Cause, I can cover them up."
"No, it's not the tattoos."
"It's my piercings. I can take some of them out."
"It's not the piercings."
"It's my mohawk. You don't like the blood red color."
"It's not your tattoos, piercings, or your hair. It's your boa."
"My boa?"
"Your boa constrictor."
"Marvin?"
"You can't wear him to the office anymore. It makes people nervous."
"I can't leave Marvin home. He'll get lonely."
"Buy him a companion."
"It'll get eaten." The employee jumped up. "I'm going to sue."
"No. No. Don't do that. I've got a solution. If Marvin was a service animal, we'd have to let you bring him to the office."
"He does keep me calm."
"Ok then. Everything's settled."
"Ok. I'll get back to work."
"One more thing. Could you trim that Mohawk? You wouldn't want to poke someone's eye out. You could get sued."

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Tippecanoe

The first weekend in June of every presidential election year The Tippecanoe Party goes to a mountain resort to pick a nominee to run for the office of President. All members have to put their name in or leave the party. There are five hundred and seven members. In the first round all the members put an egg in their pocket and run up a mountain. The first one hundred and forty that make it back with egg unbroken go to the next round. Then there is a tug-of-wag contest. This weans the number down to twenty . They are handed a beer stein filled with lemonade and then proceed to musical chairs. The last one grabbing a seat without spilling lemonade is the nominee. All of this makes a great deal more sense than the way some of the other parties chose a nominee. God bless America.

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