Two retired friends, Mort and Frank, sat watching the sunset. Mort was complaining about the aches and pains of getting old.
"I'm not old," Frank said. "I'm aged, like fine wine."
"Young wine is fine," Mort said. "Old wine turns into vinegar."
Thursday, June 11, 2026
Tuesday, March 17, 2026
T V Comedy
Boston was freezing cold. Some of the men of Cheers wanted to find a way prove their manhood. A customer named Paul said that when he was a kid his family, no matter what the weather was like, would run and jump into the ocean.
The Boston men thought that was a great idea and hurriedly left the bar to jump into the sea.
After they left, Clara asked Paul where did he grow up?
"Hawaii," he said.
Thursday, December 25, 2025
Yeah Santa!
There are floating around some nasty suspicions about Ole St Nick. Some people can't just accept a charming and innocent Christmas story has no evil intent. Here's the whole scoop
We have an universal, eternal, and non revocable contract with Santa. He is allowed to enter our homes at will during the Christmas season. It is not breaking and entering.There is an opt-out clause.
The elves live to make or help in the making of toys. It's their lifesblood. They are not enslaved or underpaid. Take away their toy making and they become serious depressed.
The toyshop belongs to Santa and, until he gives them away, so do the toys. Who he gives them to and how he decides who he gives them to is he's decision.
The reindeer love to fly the sleigh. They fight, in a fun way, each other for the right to fly.
The reindeer games are like football practice. They help keep the reindeer in shape and helps determine who gets to fly the sleigh. Christmas is not the only time or reason to fly the sleigh.
Santa is not too white. No one is too white or too black or too brown. Is the grinch too green?
Lastly, Santa is not some creep that stands by your bed and drools. He's not spying on you with hidden cameras or some sort of listening device. Santa just knows. He knows when you're awake. "He sees" is just another way of saying, he knows. Santa just knows if you've been bad or good.
Finally, can't you just accept that Santa is magical and can do impossible things?If you can't enjoy the wonder of Christmas, just leave those of us who do alone.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Thursday, November 27, 2025
Let's Visit The Hospital
Ted and Nancy were in the hospital gift shop when he said, "Sure a lot of people here."
Nancy was examining a cute little teddy bear cup. " We all start our lives in a hospital," She said thoughtfully.
" Seems like a lot of people are homesick." Ted said.
Friday, November 21, 2025
Already!?
Ned and Tammy were having their coffee break when Ned said, "Tomorrow, I'm putting up my Christmas tree. I feel like I just took it down " "Yeah," Tammy said. "It seems like time is rushing by.". "Sure does," Ned said. "Maybe I should have taken the tree down in February instead of waiting until November. "
Friday, October 17, 2025
Are You A He?
Ned and Tammy were having a lunch break at work. "You know sometimes a woman wakes up in the morning, she doesn't feel like putting on makeup. Sometimes she feels like she's a man ."
" Are you crazy? Tammy said. "If I don't put on makeup it's because I don't want to. It's not because I feel like a man. I don't even know what it's like to be a man. Do you? "
Tuesday, February 11, 2025
What To Do When You Are Stuck At Home
1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. Watch T. V.
4. Call a friend. (Oh. Right. She's working.)
5. Make a list of things to do when you're stuck in the house.
6. Make a list of things to do when you are finally set free. (The first two cannot be errands.)
7. Play phone games
8. Call your friend. (Oh. Right. She has to feed her family.)
9. Eat
10. Sleep. (Start a new list tomorrow)