I Allegedly Wrote This

   If you listen to the news, you are likely to hear something like, 'John Doe allegedly shot and killed his neighbor.' Allegedly is used to protect news media from lawsuits. 

  Sometimes you will hear, 'The police allegedly arrested John Doe for the murder of his neighbor. '

  There is no allegedly about it. The police did arrest John Doe. They arrested him on camera, in front of witnesses, It's in the police report and probably in the public records.

  This is going overboard trying to protect someone. However, in this day and age, it might not be enough. Allegedly. 

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Time Enough At Last

   Isn't it wonderful when you have all the time in the universe to anything you want to do and you spend all your time trying to figure out what to do first. 

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BUGS!!! UGH!!!

 "Mosquitoes! What good are they?", I have heard myself say. I have said something similar about flies and fleas and bugs in general.                                      I finally decided to look it up. I hoped to find, Bugs! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing!                                        I am sad to say, I was wrong. Bugs are useful, even necessary.                                  First, spiders keep the bug population down. We would be over run by bugs if they didn't.                                                      Bees, flies, and mosquitoes pollinate, very important for humans .                      Fleas and, yes, cockroaches, as well as other pest have value. They are a vital food source for birds, fish, lizards and mammals.                                                        Many bugs are a valuable source of protein, essential  vitamins and minerals. A lot break down decaying organic waste and release essential nutrients into the soil. Some can be used in forensic science, scientific and medical research.                                   Bugs! We need them. We can't live without them. They make our lives better.                                                                After all my research, I have come to the conclusion that, I STILL DON'T WANT BUGS IN MY HOME!!!!

  

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Don't Whine

   Two retired friends, Mort and Frank, sat watching the sunset. Mort was complaining about the aches and pains of getting old. 

  "I'm not old," Frank said. "I'm aged, like fine wine." 

  "Young wine is fine," Mort said. "Old wine turns into vinegar." 

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T V Comedy

  Boston was freezing cold. Some of the men of Cheers wanted to find a way prove their manhood. A customer named Paul said that when he was a kid his family, no matter what the weather was like, would run and jump into the ocean. 

  The Boston men thought that was a great idea and hurriedly left the bar to jump into the sea.

  After they left, Clara asked Paul where did he grow up?

  "Hawaii," he said. 

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Yeah Santa!

 There are floating around some nasty suspicions about Ole St Nick. Some people can't just accept a charming and innocent Christmas story has no evil intent. Here's the whole scoop 

We have an universal, eternal, and non revocable contract with Santa. He is allowed to enter our homes at will during the Christmas season. It is not breaking and entering.There is an opt-out clause.

The elves live to make or help in the making of toys. It's their lifesblood. They are not enslaved or underpaid. Take away their toy making and they become serious depressed.

The toyshop belongs to Santa and, until he gives them away, so do the toys. Who he gives them to and how he decides who he gives them to is he's decision. 

The reindeer love to fly the sleigh. They fight, in a fun way, each other for the right to fly. 

 The reindeer games are like football practice. They help keep the reindeer in shape and helps determine who gets to fly the sleigh. Christmas is not the only time or reason to fly the sleigh.

Santa is not too white. No one is too white or too black or too brown. Is the grinch too green?

Lastly, Santa is not some creep that stands by your bed and drools. He's not spying on you with hidden cameras or some sort of listening device. Santa just knows. He knows when you're awake. "He sees"  is just another way of saying, he knows. Santa just knows if you've been bad or good.

Finally, can't  you just accept that Santa is magical and can do impossible things?If you can't enjoy the wonder of Christmas, just leave those of us who do alone.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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Let's Visit The Hospital

   Ted and Nancy were in the hospital gift shop when he said, "Sure a lot of people here." 

  Nancy was examining a cute little teddy bear cup.  " We all start our lives in a hospital," She said thoughtfully. 

  " Seems like a lot of people are homesick." Ted said.

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