Really?

I watch a reality show called America's Worst Cooks. These are people who burn water. Chef Ann and her cohort take 16 people in teams of two show them something to cook and set them lose on the kitchen while the two chefs watch from above. The recruits run around like crazy trying to recreate what they were taught. One day, one recruit didn't realize that her frying pan was overheating as she scrambled for ingredients. Chef Ann shouts for her attention and fails to get it. Finally she shouts, "Your pan is hot and smoking what do you do?" The answer that popped into my head, "I don't know, take it out to dinner."

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Better Than

Some people think it is better to have a dog than a child. A dog will wear anything you want them to without putting up a fuss. They will eat anything you put in front of them. They are always willing to show affection. They forgive you everything. They are never embarrassed to be seen with you. They will never run off to marry an out of work actor and they will always be home for the holidays. The bad side. Dogs won't take care of you in your old age. With children you have a fifty-fifty chance.

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Beautiful

Peacocks are some of the most beautiful creatures on the earth. They have been used to decorate lawns and courtyards for centuries. When their tails are fully fanned it is an awesome sight. Then they leave their product all over your front porch and the trill is gone.

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What?

My nephew was learning to talk when he was doing animal impressions for me. He barked and said dog. Than he meowed and said cat. Than he made a noise and said feint. I didn't know what he was doing. Again he said feint and I was a complete blank. He gave me a look that said, How can you be so stupid, than said clearly, "Elephant!"

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B K

A long time ago, Burger King started offering sausage, egg and cheese burritos. I thought it sounded good so I ordered one. It came with sauce. I didn't like the sauce so I started ordering the burrito without the sauce. Then one day I was told it didn't come with sauce. Praise be! Wait. I rejoiced too soon. Now the burrito came with onions and green peppers. I don't like onions or green peppers. So I started ordering the burritos without onions or peppers. Then I was told, the burritos no longer came with onions or peppers. Oh, I was happy.  I was told hash browns came with the burrito and I thought I don't mind a side of hash browns. The hash browns were stuffed into the burritos. I don't want hash browns in my burritos. What I want is a plain sausage, egg and cheese burrito. I don't want sauce, onions, peppers or a pink umbrella. I want my burrito simple and uncomplicated. And that is the way I want my life. Simple and uncomplicated. Is that too much to ask?

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Happy Valentine's Day

From Aunt Bea and The Andy Griffin Show: There are only two kinds of conversation needed for a good for a marriage: coffee talk and pillow talk. They should both be warm and sweet.

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A Man

A man went to the Super bowl. When he found his seat he noticed an empty seat next to an older man. He asked the man why there was an empty seat. "My wife and I had tickets, but she died before she could use hers."
 "I'm sorry. Wasn't there a friend who could have come with you?"
 "I called everyone,", the man said. "They were all busy."
 "What? Not one friend could come with you? What were they doing?"
 "They were going to the funeral," the man said.

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